24

Its a depressing start for me this year getting to know one of my friends who got my place in a university 3 years back got job as a Malay teacher. Another friend of mine too got a position of Malay teacher & literature. I always put myself to blame because I didn't appealed at that moment. Well, to tell you the truth, it's quite complicated and bla bla bla 3 years after that and I'm here.

A friend of mine who is as the same age as me question herself on what she is doing to life right now. Straight away I gave a a sharp stare. Why? She's trying to question her career and education path which she just graduated and starting her career after her graduation which is around July or August. She completed her diploma in Islamic studies and wanting to pursue degree in Islamic Studies under UIA. seriously? She's just as twice ahead than me whereas I am still considering what to major in. haha!

People getting married and engaged. Some getting their dream job and what is left for me right now?

I feel jealous of people around me being happy. I dont feel happy or may be my definition of happiness is different. May be I see happiness as a very materialistic value especially living in Singapore. Can I not live in Singapore and move on to somewhere peaceful? 

To me Career, Marriage, Education are mostly the big concerns that I am facing on a daily basis, it is some sort of that having these will assure me happiness and I am tired of people keep on asking me the same old thing again and again. I've been hurt of looking at achievements that people are gaining/having. At times, I just think, why can't I be as bright as my friends? Why cant I have an easier and better choice of life? Too envious right?

I'm not trying to question God's decision and plans. Like one of my friends said : "Just because we don't understand God's plans for us, doesn't mean He doesn't plan great things for us." May be the key is to be patient in everything that we do. 

On a contrary, I just want to skip this year and just go for the holidays. I dont feel like facing this year. May be I'm in a state of denial. It's not may be, it is definitely. Too much heartaches, too much memories, too much of things that I left alone didn't worked out for me. Everything seems a mistake, it didn't work out. I feel so misfit.

What's big being 24?I don't feel anything special coming up except my best friends are back in Singapore.

24 just means that I'm getting older but I didnt face much of anything yet. I always have a inferiority complex of myself because i think im not good enough. There's always not enough in life is there?