#kahwinblogs: Minah Kawin Kawin
I nak ustaz yg nikah kan i bilang tetamu ni.too sweet :)
Well, I have so many things to talk about when it comes to marriage and I guess friends around helps a lot to generate ideas and having the same platform of what we want in life.
I guess men (or boys) have a different perspective of having marriage. I salute if there are men who thinks beyond pretty & lavish wedding, the ultimate goal of hereafter.
It seems that most of us compartmentalized our thoughts and beliefs that we have into something that makes Islam itself as so complicated. Can't you remember that Islam is the way of life? Where by we are living in Islamic values every single day where our actions are going to be the product of the future and will be accountable for all of it (the good and bad).
For example, a person said that he/she is pious, prays and fast BUT he/she being sarcastic to others, hurt others feelings and all.
That's not what Islam teaches us. We have to be all equal and closely follow the sunnah Rasul s.a.w.
@aishahchachaaa and he said, "let me listen to his alfateha. " kalau alfateha dan makhraj blm betul, still need improvement.
@aishahchachaaa we have been concentrating too much on the qualities of the prospective FH. This will bring diminishing returns.
@aishahchachaaa he said yg penting niat. Is it because of his looks, his ilmu, his wealth? No. Its because we want to please Allah.
This is what my friend tweeted and I 100% agree with her. This is what we all should do but sadly, now everyone is more materialistic than ever. We keep on focusing on the looks, the bank account, the job but we forgotten about the 1st and most important thing is having faith. Not just merely the "shahadah" but what are the purpose that you wanting to be with me? Having to understand the concepts of what and why will definitely insyaAllah get you to the point.
I nearly finishing up reading the book Love in a Headscarf by Shelina Zahra Janmohammad and I was moved to her writings especially when she met Habib. He is a charming guy, has a very good religious background and job. But what makes it a twist is that he found another lady and have plans to get married but the lady called it off and so he was depressed and pouring all the sorrows to Shelina. Months passesd, he met other ladies but shows no interest. Finally, she braved herself to tell him her feelings but to her surprise he declined it in such unmannerly way. So because of him, that she was certain that he is the perfect match for her wasn't perfect at all. And she began her journey of soul seeking, to find true meaning of what's inside and what is in heart. She traveled to Egypt & Jordan (which I myself intending to do) and encounter so many things that she might benefit.
Getting married is not something petty and just a one day occasion. It's a full commitment that you have to make for the rest of your life. You can't just simply go around getting married, divorce and remarried as and when you want it to be like (the Hollywood stars for example).
1) Commitment to stay together, be there for each other through thick and thin. It's not always happy and fun all the time. Be prepared if there's big and terrible things happen, will you go and leave your other half or will you stick through with them? It is not the question of oh he goes to prison or he got AIDS which simply you know the answers are. But what if he is retrenched or she cant get pregnant? What if he got into an accident and you have to go to work as a sole breadwinner? What if she is in come, will you handle her duties at home, taking care of the children and doing chores as well as working fulltime?
2) There's no more ME but it's WE. We tend to focus so much on things that we want but we didn't focus on the other party. Sadly, it will turn out to be the most selfish person that you can be, very dictatorship in a sense that you want it your way without compromising. Same to the other party where controlling can be very abusive in a way that the other party will always feels guilty of something that they don't even do just because of selfishness.
3) What's the end product that you want to achieve as US and not individualist? As Muslims, we are reminded that our destination is Hereafter and bringing the family there too. But if the other person is on dreamy land and still thinks that skipping a prayer is way better than skipping an awesome movie, well you're damn wrong my dear. It shows how much that you do not only respect her, you also do not respect yourself as Muslim and it's obligations to do so. It will leads to no. 4
4) What kind of environment that you want to bring up your kids with? Religious? Freedom of speech? This will also reflects to your personality and doings especially from no. 2 and 3. It's not being judgmental but it's pragmatic as whatever you deliver is what you believe in and how you deal with things.
Where did I get all this information from? Mostly from casual readings of articles from books to magazines and online articles. My favourite is Aku Terima Nikahnya (cronicles) by Hazrizal (i have the books and i read online too.hahah). From there, with help of most of my friends who have the same direction and thought of what we want as our end product. I still remember from my dearly ustazah mentioned that mawaddah (love) comes from Allah, we don't need to force it nor we are looking at the physical looks but it's the sakinah (calmness of the heart) that is important :))
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